I have been sick for awhile and haven't had the energy to do anything productive, unless sleeping and flipping between the Food Network and HGTV are considered productive. Came down with some sort of sinus infection that I am soooo over having. But I thought I should start doing some cardio, hence the typing! It counts, right? I am sure it has a lot to do with the sickness, but I have been in a slump lately. On top of that Mr. Grumpo has been busting my balls. I thought I might be able to get some insight on something I am really stubborn about. I have always kept in touch with my ex-es. Not like meting up and hanging out, but talking or emailing just to see where their lives have taken them. This is extremely offensive to my husband. It in no way ever presents itself to him unless he takes it upon himself to go through my phone. Which was the case last week. The sneaky bastard actually went through my text messages, lied about it to trap me, them tried to turn it around on me! As if!!! This issue has come up before and I let him know that I wasn't comfortable cutting people out of my life because he said so. It passed, but has reared its ugly head once again. He can't seem to understand why I keep these people in my life and sees it as a very disrespectful act on my and their part to continue. I have really thought about why I feel so strongly about this subject and have come to the conclusion that: 1. I haven't had very many male figures in my life that I have trusted and 2. I just don't have it in me to cut someone off that I care about. there is no possibility for a re-kindling of the relationship, I just like to know how they are doing, and it helps to talk with people who were with you at different points in your life to better understand how I am now. Mr. Possessive doesn't get it and weeps that it really hurts his feelings. Honestly, I don't care. I know I am a bitch for saying that, but I don't. I just want him to shut-up and leave me alone! Is that too much to ask from a marriage? Anyways, I am sure if I were a bigger and more well-adjusted person, it wouldn't even be an issue, but this is one of those things I really stick to my guns on. Whew, I think I feel a few beads of sweat! Target Heart rate achieved.
I have a feeling any day now he is going to be off on one of his idiotic rants and I am just going to punch him in the face. Not say a damn word, just punch him in his ever-running mouth! Ahhhh and then, sweet silence.
I have a birthday coming up and it has really forced me to confront some things and I feel like I need to make a decision one way or another, none of this back and forth, one foot in the door and the other out. It is too exhausting. So, who knows, this next week could be life-changing.
5 comments:
Wow - talk about a violation of trust and privacy!
I warned T that if he felt the need to read my journals, blogs, e-mails, or phone records (I don't text, but he could scroll my numbers I guess) that he deserved whatever he got. I also told him that I blog so I don't have to discuss the things I am writing about with him - and if he read them, he could just do so in silence. Nice, me.
And? I have told him before that if I were going to step out on our marriage, I would tell him in advance and not pussy-foot around (he actually accused me of this, once, which is laughable...really, laughable) because I believe in honesty - something he often has trouble with.
I never read his e-mails and told him I didn't have any problem when he struck up a friendship with an old girlfriend. With any luck he'll run off with her. Yeah, yeah.
You're absolutely in the right. His insecurity is no reason for you to give up on past relationships that mellowed into friendship. His suspicion makes me wonder what he's hiding, that he's deflecting blame/attention on you. Of course, that could be the psycho-babble talking. I AM full of it.
Good luck with your thinking and deciding - it's no fun feeling like youv'e been in a hamster wheel.
That sucks to hear! I am never good at offering any insight but I am good at thinking good thoughts for people. I will think positive thoughts for you and send you clarity to help you with whatever decisions you make!
He is totally insecure and it comes from his need to control everything! He is freaking out because i am the one thing in his life he doesn't have complete control over and it wigs him out! Do people still say that? Anyways, he knows I would never mess around, but I think he likes to test me and see how much I will give. Now I am the one edging on psycho-babble! If I could burn calories with my mental exertions like I can with physical ones, I would be swim suit-ready all year!
Ugh. I would be more pissed that he was looking through my phone and, no, I wouldn't cut people out of my life to cater to his insecurities either.
That's nuts, duder. Seriously, my big son's father, Nat, whom I rant about often, used to do that sort of stuff. Once he even hacked into my email and then had the nerve to yell at me about what I'd written. Freak-a-leak.
But yeah, that's crazy. I'm sorry, man.
Post a Comment